Active Listening / Good Communication

At HEART we have many spaces where we connect with people. It is important for us to have good listening and communication skills to support people as best we can.

Below are some tips on communication and listening written by Peter Thorburn from Meth Education and Solutions Services Trust:

Ten Tips for Good Communication

  • Be friendly: We are subconsciously drawn to people who make us feel good and make our lives enjoyable.

  • Think before you speak! “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” Saying whatever is on your mind without thinking can reflect badly on you.

  • Be clear: Nobody is a mind-reader. People who are indirect or hint at things but don’t say it are not good communicators. Ask yourself, “What is the clearest way I can communicate the point?”

  • Don’t talk too much: Few people want to spend time with someone who always talks too much and dominates the conversation.

  • Practice humility: Having a modest way of your own importance is an attractive personality trait. Speaking with humility and genuine respect for others generates respect and is well regarded.

  • Speak with confidence: Confidence is self-assurance arising from an appreciation of your true abilities (you can still retain humility). Self confidence includes words you choose, tone of voice, eye contact and body language.

  • Focus on body language: It can communicate respect and puts real meaning behind your words.

  • Be your genuine self: People are turned off by those who feel the need to ‘put on a show’ to make a point. Speaking from the heart and being genuine is much more attractive.

  • Be concise: It can be frustrating when someone can’t get to the point. Plan ahead and ask yourself: “How can I say what needs to be said using the fewest number of words, while still being courteous and respectful?”

  • Learn the art of listening: Being attentive in listening is more important than any words that come out of your mouth. Show sincere interest in what’s being said, ask good questions, listen for the message within the message and avoid interrupting.

  • One more tip: People are naturally drawn to people like themselves. Use this to your advantage by matching people’s voice tone and modulation (e.g. if they are speaking softly and slowly, you model this too, then match their energy.)


Active Listening

  • Everyone wants to be listened to, and to feel understood. Most people become angry or aggressive only after a lengthy period of not feeling understood, acknowledged or being ‘dismissed’ 

  • Listen without interrupting or correcting the angry person – being cut off/‘not listened to’ can provoke and escalate 

  • When people are under stress/anxiety associated with conflict or insecurity, the potential for misinterpretation is greatly increased 

  • Paraphrase, clarify (reflect) – they feel understood (empathy) 

  • Validate the person's experience. You do not have to agree with them – acknowledge you have ‘heard’ them and empathize why they might be feeling the way they do (e.g., "If I felt like I was getting the 'run around' all the time, I'd probably feel angry too”) 

  • Be curious and open rather than judgmental – seek to understand their perspective 

  • Use 'open-ended' questions (e.g., What would you like to see happen in this situation?”) 

  • ‘Pacing’: match (just below) person's intensity then lower it 

  • Manage own reactions and nonverbal communication (e.g open, not closed posture/frowning/shaking your head) 

  • Turning slightly to one side rather than directly opposing someone, promotes calm and less adversarial feelings 

  • Don't talk too much, and use the person's name (if known) to enhance trust; try to engage thoughts over emotion 


Listening on the telephone

  • Stay focused. Prevent yourself from being distracted by other staff members or external noises and concentrate on what your caller is saying. 

  • Detect emotions. Listen to the emotion in your caller’s voice. Does it match or endorse the words they are using? 

  • Ask questions. Ask questions to gain more information on points you need to clarify. 

  • Don’t interrupt. You listen more effectively when you’re not talking, so refrain from interrupting your caller. Let them finish what they are saying; interruptions may break their train of thought. 

  • Don’t pre-empt. Avoid pre-empting what your caller is going to say, chances are you will be wrong and miss some of the content of their conversation. 

  • Paraphrase key facts. Paraphrase and reflect back to check you have heard the key facts and content of the caller’s conversation correctly. It also lets the caller know you have understood them. Statements such as “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…” are great ways to reflect back and paraphrase. 

  • Pen and paper handy. Have a pen and paper on hand and get into the habit of making short quick references to any questions you want to ask or points you wish to raise or comment on. When your caller has finished speaking refer back to your notes and take action. If you are thinking of answers and responses while the caller is speaking, you are not listening. 

  • Say it again. If you are having difficulty listening, make the necessary adjustments. You might say, “I’m afraid I missed that last point. Please repeat that for me.” 

  • Watch the stereotypes. Avoid stereotyping individuals by making assumptions about how you expect them to act and what you expect them to say. This will bias your listening. 


Be aware of the barriers to listening

  • We think we’re right and the other person is wrong 

  • We feel we have to provide help right away 

  • We prefer to talk rather than listen 

  • We are waiting for gaps or pauses to jump in with our response